The Last Post

I started this blog an year ago, after I had closed down the one on Blogspot (Que Sera Sera: Life of a Desi Burger). A lot has changed since then, I have a whole lot of new friends in college, I am now engaged, I have two jobs and am a lot more richer than I was before now.
This place became a hide-out for me. I enjoy writing, hell, I want to make a career out of it. And then there was the added plus of dropping all my thoughts on someone who is there whenever I need to vent. But I now have my mom for that, we’re closer than ever. I have finally found that I can talk to her about anything and everything.

My writing these days has become intensely personal, not fit to put up where everyone can read it. So I have decided to close this blog down. My poetry will remain in my diary from now on, I don’t think anyone would mind though.

I’m sorry if I seem to be incoherent. I’m just scared of what life has in store for me and I don’t know how I’ll do as time goes on.

So I leave you all with a heavy heart, here’s the last poem that I wrote (a day before Eid, for some reason I haven’t been able to write after then.)

The dead girl stood smiling

She didn’t hear me call

so I went to see what she

 

held in her hand.

She was smoke,

mixing with the wisps

from the candle between us.

 

She was dead,

a dream, my silent

dream.

 

Yet the note she left me

was all too real.

 

It said, “You

are dead, no you

aren’t alive.

You are smoke

 

caught in an undying storm.

You, my dead girl,

will you stay with me

till I am dead too?”

 

I looked at the dead girl,

at the frozen smile,

then looked at my hand.

 

Smoke, smoke

The flame from the candle

burned right through.

 

The wispy smoke

mixed with me.

The Letter

You slipped a letter underneath the door

I read it, pushed it back outside.

Who am I but a terrible bore?

 

You could not take it anymore.

The silence gave you nothing to hide.

You slipped a letter underneath the door.

 

Talking for me is a tiresome chore.

What you took to be ignorance, injured your pride.

Who am I but a terrible bore?

 

You told me once it was a foolish lore

that unfinished business never left your side.

You slipped a letter underneath the door.

 

I read it, my eyes never were this sore

The cursive letters seemed so snide.

Who am I but a terrible bore?

 

I knew from the look you wore

that last time you gave me a ride.

You slipped a letter underneath the door.

Who am I but a terrible bore?

Hear Ye, Hear Ye.

This is a public declaration of my insanity.

I slit my vein to see my blood

was it white like he claimed it was?

He lied. It was crimson

copper and cold

Red metal that dripped on the sidewalk.

 

I stood on a banister

swaying with the wind

then walked on my tippy toes.

I could balance,

the one thing he said was missing in my life.

I didn’t fall on my face

like he said I would.

 

I crushed my fingers

by swinging a hammer,

he had said I didn’t have the strength to do it.

I did it and then proceeded

to my toes

My bones were weak, I was not.

 

The wind bit me, burnt me,

red, black and blue

purple around the edges.

He had said I was dead,

couldn’t feel anything,

I proved him right

by killing myself.

 

Now that I’m dead,

in a garbage heap

around the corner of the new movie theatre,

there’s a note in a box

right under my bed.

Read it, then call me crazy

call me insane.

The Door

I’ll cover my door with poetry

Don’t enter if you don’t understand.

Don’t string up lines that don’t connect,

Don’t pretend to know me or my life.

The verses might not make sense

But there’s a reason why they are there

They have meaning to me, should have some for you

if you mean to enter my lair.

They’ll be simple

and there’s no rush, so please

be patient, be kind, be calm,

for in those verses lies my life

and all of what I am.

Current Obsession. Current Crush.

I know that most of my followers cannot understand Urdu, but posting this is something I just can’t resist.

I am in love with this song. And the way this awesome person sings this. LOVE his expressions in the last part of the song.

Here’s the transcription, transliteration and translation:

Title: Nindiya Ke Paar – نندیا کے پار – Beyond sleep
Language: Urdu, Punjabi, Braj

آؤ چلیں نندیا کے پار
aao chalen nindiya ke paar
Come, let’s go beyond sleep

آؤ چلیں سوچوں کے پار
aao chalen sochon ke paar
Come, let’s go beyond thoughts

کوئی جانے نہیں ہے
koi jaane naheen hai
Nobody knows (where)

خالی آنکھیں، خالی یہ مکان
khaali aankhen khaali yih makaan
Empty eyes, this empty space

آؤ بھلا دیں وہ پیار
aao bhula den woh pyaar
Come, let’s forget that love

آؤ مٹا دیں وہ نشان
aao mita den woh nishaan
Come, let’s erase that mark

کوئی جانتا نہیں ہے
koi jaanta naheen hai
Nobody knows (where)

خالی آنکھیں، خالی یہ مکان
khaali aankhen khaali yih makaan
Empty eyes, empty this space

آؤ چلیں آج
aao chalen aaj
Come, let’s go today

آؤ چلیں آج
aao chalen aaj
Come, let’s go today

ہوپچھ کالے بدلاں توں
ho puchh kaale badlaan ton
Ask the black clouds to tell you

سینے وچ اگ لا کے لنگ گئیاں کئی برساتاں
seene wich agg la ke lang gaiyyaan kai barsaataan
Setting fire to my heart, many rainy seasons have passed

پچھ کالے بدلاں توں
puchh kaale badlaan ton
Ask the black clouds to tell you

سینے وچ اگ لا کے لنگ گئیاں کئی برساتاں
seene wich agg la ke lang gaiyyaan kai barsaataan
Setting fire to my heart, many rainy seasons have passed

ٹر گئیوں سجناں نیندراں کھو کے
ṭur gaiyon sajnaan neendraan kho ke
You’ve gone away, dear love and made me lose my sleep

جاگ کے کٹیاں راتاں
jaag ke kaṭiyaan raataan
My nights pass staying awake

آ وی جا، نہ ستا
aa wi ja nah sata
Please come now! Don’t torment me

واسطہ پیار دا
waasatah pyaar da
I beseech you in the name of love

اے رتاں سونہیا مڑ نئیں آں آنیاں
ae rutaan sonhiya muṛ nai aan aaniyaan
These beautiful seasons, my dear love, will not return

تیرے بن نئیں لگدا دل میرا ڈھولنا
tere bin naeen lagda dil mera dholna
Without you, sweetheart, my heart cannot find peace

تیرے بن نئیں لگدا دل میرا ڈھولنا
tere bin naeen lagda dil mera dholna
Without you, sweetheart, my heart cannot find peace

تیرے بن نئیں لگدا دل میرا ڈھولنا
tere bin naeen lagda dil mera dholna
Without you, sweetheart, my heart cannot find peace

تیرے بن نئیں لگدا دل میرا ڈھولنا
tere bin naeen lagda dil mera dholna
Without you, sweetheart, my heart cannot find peace

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

ناہیں لاگے جیا
naaheen laage jiya
The heart is restless

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

اب تو آجا پیا
ab to aaja piya
O please come now, my love

چندا چاندنی بکھیرے
chanda chaandani bikhere
The moon scatters moonlight

تو ہے نہیں پاس میرے
tu hai naheen paas mere
And you are not near me

اب تو آجاو میرے سونہیا
ab to aa jaao mere sonhiya
O please come now, dear love

سونی تیرے بن یہ راتیں
sooni tere bin yih raaten
Empty are these nights without you

سونی سونی ساری باتیں
sooni sooni saari baaten
Empty and desolate are all things

یوں نہ ہمیں تڑپا وے سونہیا
yoon nah hamen taṛpa ve sonhiya
Don’t make us suffer so, dear love

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

ناہیں لاگے جیا
naaheen laage jiya
The heart is restless

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

اب تو آجا پیا
ab to aaja piya
O please come now, my love

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

ناہیں لاگے جیا
naaheen laage jiya
The heart is restless

یاد آئیں تیری باتیں
yaad aain teri baaten
Memories of you make my heart restless

نہیں بھائیں برساتیں
naheen bhaain barsaaten
And rained-filled seasons hold no appeal for me

تو ہے میری زندگانی سونہیا
tu hai meri zindagaani sonhiya
You are my life, dear love

تیرے بن میرے نیناں کہیں پائیں نہ چیناں
tere bin mere nainaan kaheen paain na chainaan
Without you, my eyes find comfort nowhere

تو ہے دل کی کہانی سونہیا
tu hai dil ki kahaani sonhiya
You’re the tale of my heart, dear love

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

ناہیں لاگے جیا
naaheen laage jiya
The heart is restless

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

اب تو آجا پیا
ab to aaja piya
O please come now, my love

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

ڈھولنا
dholna
Sweetheart

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

سونہیا
sonhiya
Dear love

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

ڈھولنا
dholna
Sweetheart

تیرے بن
tere bin
Without you

سونہیا
sonhiya
Dear love

سونہیا
sonhiya
Dear love

There Is Life Ahead

The water flows

You can’t contain it

It spills into crevices you dare not peep in

It fills in spaces you thought you’d never touch.

But you did.

 

The world was fast

You ran to keep up

It spun from right under your feet

It took you somewhere you had never been.

 

Now you’re trapped

The walls are high

Your conscience, the lone sentinel.

It can free you, if you choose to be free.

 

Choose to be free,

There’s more to come.

Forget the place you try to run from.

There’s life ahead

And love.